


Break & Mend

by Breachy_Breeches



Series: Thea Hawke [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 15:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19087993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breachy_Breeches/pseuds/Breachy_Breeches
Summary: After the unfortunate event befell upon the Hawke estate, Thea had drowned herself in an intense self-identity crisis for being a mage in addition to much grief and sorrow. One day an idea strikes a light within her heart that finally wakes up from her depression. Thea decided to follow her instinct and seek out her friend, Anders to learn healing magic from him, in hopes to find salvation upon her broken soul.





	Break & Mend

**Author's Note:**

> (Happens after "All that Remains" if the summary isn't obvious enough)  
> \----------

Carved into the cliffs that lead to the port of the Gallows, at least six feet under Lowtown lies a den of iniquity. Where shadows crawl and crimes maul. Where blood lingers and maggots fester. Where only the most pitiable souls dwell.  
  
A labyrinth that is _pleasantly_ named 'Darktown' was once a mine controlled by the Tevinter Imperium. Once exhausted, the mine shafts were extended under the city to dispose of sewage from Kirkwall's overcrowded population of slaves. The "Undercity," as some call it, is home to the diseased, the insane, to criminals, and even the dead—unwanted corpses are often discarded here by murderers and lazy undertakers.

The only source of any natural illumination is from the large cavern-like overlooks that are in full view of the gigantic weeping humanoid bronze statues across the passage. They are a sore reminder of why Kirkwall is also known as the 'City of Chains'. Anyone travelling within this pit hole after dusk is usually either fatuous or deranged.  
  
Yet if one wishes to find generous medical treatment: "Look for the lit lantern--”. The deplorable and downtrodden have spoken fondly, "--there you will find a healer that gives everything, but asks for nothing"  
  
It is exactly where Thea was heading.

As soon as the lift landed on its destination the ashen-blue eyed woman made a bee-line straight towards the direction of the clinic, not caring as she usually would that the haste of heavy footsteps could attract hunters looking for easy prey. Then again, when was she ever easy?

When she arrived at the clinic entrance, the lantern was not lit, but she knocked on it anyway.

She waited for a moment, then paced back and forth like an agitated caged tiger, debating whether she has made the right decision. She received no response.

She knocked again, this time slightly harder. Thea tapped her foot impatiently as she waited…. again met with no response. Thea frowned.

When, for the third attempt, Thea was just about to bang her fist on the door, she heard a click of the lock. The wooden door creaked slightly ajar and Thea was greeted by a half-asleep dirty-blonde haired man, yawning and rubbing his eyes. “Andraste's flaming knickers, the lantern is not lit for a reason. Can you com—”

“Anders, it’s me.” Thea pulled back her hood.

“Oh, Hawke! What are you doing here at this hour?” The man’s amber pupils snapped wide open and blink hard a few times as if he’d been splashed by a bucket of cold water.  
  
The mage held the door a bit wider and moved aside from the entrance as a gesture of invitation. Upon entering the clinic, Thea caught the familiar heavy scent of elfroot and other herbs. The rusty hinges squeaked as the door closed behind her, it was followed by sluggish footsteps as Anders turned towards his work desk, the one that Thea brought him as a Santalia gift a few months prior.

Thea’s vision trailed up the back of the moon-illuminated figure; Anders was wearing all but a simple pair of trousers and a light blouse. Without his usual coat and the fluffy feathery pauldron, his stature looked a lot leaner and perhaps even a bit more vulnerable. Admittedly, it was a sight that Thea wasn’t used to. His shoulder length hair was down with tangled bits sticking out left and right. She wondered how long since he had last paused from the relentless campaign he got himself into to take care of himself... Not that she was really in any position to judge.

  
Thea strolled through the room like it was her own, towards the makeshift balcony, bordered with wooden fences and barbed wire. The towheaded woman leaned against the frame and gazed upon the velvet dark sky, decorated with the crescent moon married to poetry of stars. It was the softness of the sky that called body and brain to rest and let the heart go to its steady rhythm.

She felt a sudden wave of warmth from behind as Anders lit up the fireplace. The mage soon joined her at the balcony not long after, with a hot beverage in hand.

“Did I ever mention that you have a knack for choosing places? You have a grand view of the port to the Gallows and giant creepy statues.”

“What can I say? I have a talent for it.” the mage chuckled, “At least it's open-aired, you know I hate closed spaces. Plus it reminds me not to lose sight of what we— of what I am fighting for...” His voice grew small as he passed the drink to Thea. She received it with a thankful nod.

The mug was pleasantly hot to the touch. It was made of clay, covered with ivory paint and sprinkled with dots, like the freckles on her face. It was exclusively for her to use. Her cup. The beverage itself was mesmerising indigo — Butterfly Pea tea, her favourite.

As Thea brought the mug closer to take a sip, an earthly herbal fragrance waffled towards her with a hint a lavender essence and a touch of salt. A slice of lime was placed at the rim of the mug, just how she liked it.

It was a funny story of how they acquired it in the first place. Long story short, they did a job for a Rivaini merchant, but unfortunately one of the crates was already partially soaked with seawater by the time they found it. But since they did complete the objectives amongst other things, the merchant gifted them the crate as ‘a token of friendship’. Isabela explained those exotic flowers were uniquely grown in only the northern part of Rivain and were frequently enjoyed as tea and sometimes used as a natural dye. Although Thea has no idea what the pirate queen was snickering about when she said the flowers had another name but refused to explain it.

  
At least Anders found some positive healing properties regarding the tea, which was good she supposed. Since then he always seemed to have it in stock.

Comfortable silence passed between them as Thea enjoyed her tea and listened to the distant waves clashing beneath the cliffs. Her eyes wandered around however, back inside - the shelves of ingredients, the stretcher beds in which some were still stained, where the fireplace crackled warmly. She finally settled her gaze on the desk, its quality making it seem out of place amongst its surroundings.

“How’s the new writing desk?”

“Sturdy and stable.”

“That’s good,” Thea smiled, “we can’t have ink all over the place while you’re working on the manifesto because the legs have been chewed off by rats, can we?”

“I appreciate that, and Justice seems pleased too.”

Another moment of stillness elapsed once more, eyes caught momentary of each other from time to time. Until this time it was Anders who was the one to break the silence.

“I haven’t heard from you for a while ”

“I know.”

“How are you holding up?” his voice filled with noticeable worry.

“I.....”Thea took a deep breath to reflect on herself for a moment and decided to answer honestly since it is too obvious and no point hiding. “... am not well.... but I’m getting better. Trying to, anyway”

“I don’t imagine you are here simply for small talk then?”

“No.” Thea’s focus shifted back to the rippling liquid that is in her hand. Thea then set her mug aside and kneaded her fingers together like there was an invisible coin gliding in between, in a reminiscing manner. Thea then snapped her fingers like a tinder striker, a small flame appeared at the tip of her index finger Ember shadowed the two tired faces with a ghostly cobalt glow. “‘What does magic touch that it doesn't spoil?’, a question I have pondered often.”. The light dissipated as the word landed.

“You cannot possibly believe—”

Thea’s downcast eyes implied otherwise “And yet it stings. It stings because it holds a certain truth doesn’t it? My magic has caused nothing but destruction, even I am to aid someone, there’s always the other party who is hurt...”

“If his words hold much weight to you, I thought you’d go to him instead ....to move on that is...” Anders winced at his own words, regretting the instance the words are spoken from his tongue, trailing off with the hint of envy.  
  
“We did talk briefly some time ago, about what happened to my mother, about magic.“ Thea said simply, although her eyes have then shifted to the quivering liquid that is in her mug, or perhaps to the constant tides down below. Anders cannot tell.  
  
“You know what his belief is on magic. Hardly an ounce of sympathy in them”

Thea tilted her head to such a statement “True, we have differences in opinions and he has every right to hold those beliefs. He is no mage from southern Thedas, and I am no ex-slave from the Tevinter. It is not for me to demand remorse, regret, or repentance from anyone. We are all mortals and cannot be anything other than what we are, We are shaped by our own experience” Her lips tucked into a solemn smile “But this isn’t about him”.

“What is it then?”

“My father’s words echo through my mind much these days: ‘ _Magic will serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base.’ To be the best version of the person one can be, especially the likes of ‘us_ ’” Her lower lip quivered as words slowly made their way out of her mouth…"I wondered countless times that if I was just a little more aware, a bit more attentive, my mother would still be alive now. “ Thea bit her bottom lip in attempted to still her cracking voice “And yet, with all the supposed power I have, I cannot, _did not_ , prevent my mother from being kidnapped and murdered by insane man for sickening agenda, who, not to mention is also a _mage_. Looking back, ever since my family and I arrived Kirkwall, or perhaps even further back, all I have ever done is ‘surviving’. The jobs I took, the coin I earned, the words I said, the choices I made: what I thought was necessary to simply survive this unrelenting, unforgiving world that the Maker has supposedly turned his gaze away from. Yet to those do not require to ‘magic’ to do so, they are excuses. ‘Normal’ men can just do the same without it. Thus the question still stands”

Those gravity-drawn shoulders is a sight that Anders can never bear. The healer reached out his hand to place it just below those storm-sky blue eyes, attempting to catch the rain that threatens to fall from them. “You are doing your best Hawke. Not everyone can keep their heads above water”

“But is it truly?” Thea’s sighed as she softly deflated; it was as if the tension had lifted yet left her with a melancholy instead of relief.” I always believe that the Maker is just and merciful and the unjust is created by the hubris of men. I believe that the Maker still watches over us — over me. I...want to believe He has given me the ‘gift’ of magic for a reason, although I admit I cannot say I always comprehend what He wishes of me or why his guidance is in such a roundabout way.”  
  
“I’ve been thinking, searching for signs....” Thea gave another quick look at the clinic area and back to her own hands“.... and it’s here, it has always been here.”

Thea raised up her hand, placing it on Anders’s that is on her cheek and removed it. Yet she did not release her hold but rather placed her other hand into his palm. “I have a favour to ask of you, would you help me?”

“Always, I’m listening” Anders cannot help to notice that, although perhaps just as battle-worn, how small and delicate her hands are compared to the larger callus one of his.  
  
The pools of ashen-blue sprung up to meet the pair of amber. The emotion in her eyes was fathoms deep, yet they carried the warmth and life of the sunlit surface. They had a thousand hues of blue and a small touch of hazel radiating in softly swooping arcs. “Teach me how to do arts of healing magic”  
  
At first, the healer furrowed his brow, baffled by her request then closed his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose seemingly trying to suppress his amusement. Anders’s expression softened as the corner of his lips curved into a grin and he opened his eyes once more. “Is this the reason why you barged into my clinic in the middle of the night?” Feeling mischievous, he flicked his finger lightly against Thea’s forehead.

“Ow! I did not barge in, I knocked!” Thea grinned a little.

“You still haven’t answered my question”

“Well...it just that... sometimes there are things that come to mind that you know have to be done immediately or else you don’t know when you would ever get the chance again....” Thea sheepishly rubbed her forehead.

“... I’ve been going to the barracks from time to time in the past few weeks, actually. Taking jobs here and there to occupy my mind with something else.” Thea tapped nonchalantly against her lips as she paused once more, trying to find the right words to articulate her thoughts. “Apparently getting myself drunk does not dull the ‘pain’, I only end up giving myself nothing but huge hangovers and upset stomachs.” Her words earned a troubled glance from the healer, but he made no further implications to interrupt.

Thea sighed and tilted her head. “I know all of you are worried, I know you visit my estate every now and then...I just wasn’t in the mood to face anyone yet.”  
  
“In any case, I visited Aveline at the barracks on one of my more sober days last week. She told me about her little story about her father. He used to read books to her and always let her decide when to turn the page, so that each step is her own story. She told me that no one can tell me when to move on. It is my choice.” Thea briefly smiled at her own words. “I thought about these last couple days and...I think I am ready to turn _my_ page....”

“Glad to hear that.” Anders pushed aside a tumble of blonde curls that fell into her face and tucked it behind her ears, ever so tenderly, fingers brushing against her moonlit cheeks “Though you do understand that healing magic so no simple matter.”

“Is magic ever simple? This is why I came to the best healer I know.”  
  
“When you put that way, how could I refuse?” Anders huffed in beguilement. “I suppose I could use an assistant here in the clinic.”  
  
“I thought of it as well; you overwork yourself too much too often. Someone should keep an eye on you.”  
  
“Try not to get too distracted.” He teased.

Thea chuckled. “Hardly, there are plenty of other things that can keep me occupied I’m sure.”

“You wound me.” Anders made an obviously-actually-not-that-offended expression that earned another giggle from Thea. “Regardless, it wouldn’t be just about magic. There’s also the basic principles we need to go through, hygiene for example”  
  
“I’m a fast learner. I believe I had enough practice with my siblings to at least get the bandages right.”

“I’m sure you are, I’ve seen you work. It won’t be long before you mastered it....and I will not be needed anymore....” Each word grew ever more hushed as they melted into whispers. His soft lips stretched into a smile but didn't quite reached his amber eyes. They were lit with sadness, and the forced expression of the contrary on his mouth would have looked comical to Thea if it didn't make her heart feel heavy. For a few moments, Thea stared at him, almost sure his expression was trying to mirror hers. It broke her heart. She didn't want to be the smile that squeezed his chest somewhere far away.  
  
Thea reached out to cup Anders’s cheeks with both hands, lifting up a little so he is facing directly at her. "Hey, I am here not simply because your skills as a healer, but also because I appreciate your company, _you._  You are a good man. You have worked so hard and risked so much just so others can have a better chance at _life_ and I admire greatly about that. You are my dearest, most treasured friend, and I would **never** abandon you. " Thea took a step closer and pulled Anders into an embrace. "Honestly, I don't know where this path would lead me. But one thing I do know: the magic that my father taught me became part of me... and so will yours."  
  
Countless emotions rushed within Anders - joy, gratitude, relief, and perhaps even triumph? But it was mixed with worry and fear. Anders hesitated for a moment as he felt tingling in his hands before wrapping his arms around her as well and placed his lips against the top of her head. Thousands of words he wanted to say, especially those three simple words that would summarize it all. But he knows they aren't his to speak. Instead he sighed and murmured into her hair "I don't care, I will drown us in blood to keep you safe." clutching a little bit tighter.

"I know you would, I just hope it would never come to that."  
  
How long they stood in the same position, they did not know, and perhaps it was not as important as simply enjoying each other's presence. The Sun peeked indolently from the horizon, casting her tangerine warmth over the dark twilight sky. She comes in the way that natural forces do, needing not invitation yet feeling her welcome. Its hue gently illuminating each crevice of the land. Mellow blues and pinks blurred together in a silver mist and the sea glittered in gold as the air that grows brighter with each passing moment until it becomes a new bold day. The light is her gift, bold and free, for anyone who cares to open their eyes in the dawn and watch the world awake.

"I should go." Thea hummed "You should get some rest, I have bothered you long enough"

"Don't worry about it, I don't plan to open the clinic today anyway."  
  
"I’d probably give Orana a fright if she didn't see me in my bedroom without notice, the poor girl is still trying to adjust around the estate."  
  
Anders gave a reluctant wry look but release his arms nonetheless.  
  
Thea looked aside and found where she left her mug. She picked up the slice of lime and gave it a little squeeze and dropped into the mug, watching the juice contacting the tea and staining the liquid into elegant lilac. She perked up at Anders and grinned.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?"  
   
Anders nodded.  
   
Thea took a couple of steps back before turning around and walked toward the entrance.  
   
"....Thea." Anders called out to her just as she reached to open the door.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"It's good to have you back"  
  
Thea turned her head back and smiled. "Thank you, Anders, it feels good to be back." and proceeded her way out, closing the door behind her.

Anders stared at the wooden door for a couple of minutes, trying to reflect what happened this night. To his surprise, there weren't any sudden of intrusive thoughts; perhaps he was expecting Justice to more agitated due to his swell of emotions, but his friend seems to be rather placid.

He traced the rim of the freckled mug that had long since devoid of warmth and yet it still tingled to the touch. Anders lifted the mug and drank the rest of the content. Whether it was the hint of salt or the touch of sourness, he was certainly awake. Anders scanned around the room and sauntered towards one of the beds. He picked up one of sheets and start to fold it, beginning his daily routine.

\----

  
Six feet below, in the underbelly of Kirkwall, lies the perilous maze that is ‘Darktown'. If one wishes generous healing, look for the lit lantern they say. There you will find a healer that gives everything and asks for nothing but the smile of a radiant soul that is his heart.

  
\----------------------

**Author's Note:**

> \----------------------
> 
> Author's notes:  
> To clarify just in case - Anders is not Thea's LI (that is Fenris; I do plan to explore it in a later date)
> 
> Relationship between the two is complicated (I mean when is it isn't lol) 
> 
> While they are emotionally intimate, and Thea has affections for Anders...it's just not the romantic type, but more on the platonic/familial kind.  
> TL;DR it is intended to end on a bittersweet tone on Anders's side. 
> 
> PS: If anyone was wondering what was Isabela amused about, just google it & look at the scientific name  
> \---  
> many thanks to @fabled_heroine beta read for me!  
> \---


End file.
